The Morning After

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face." "He's an idiot," Bob said. "Piss on him!" "You did," "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said Bob. "I did. You're back at work on Monday."

Free Advice at Social Affairs?

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

Top Do Nots at the Office Christmas Party

The Top Don'ts At The Office Christmas Party:

• Don't go up to your boss and make the comparison of him with Santa because he's fat, jolly and only works one day out of the year.
• Don't put your boss in a sleeper hold just to bargain for a better salary.
• Don't offer anyone a hit from your Egg-Nog funnel.
• Don't call your best client and tell him how much you fudged his books by just so you could throw this party in the first place.
• Don't chase the secretary around with mistletoe and an eggbeater.
• Don't tell your boss that you're the one that runs the company.