Private Briefing

When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher, by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There's only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of the principal." "Oh my God! Well, er, what was is that?" "I'll explain it, " he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."

Everything Business Lines

• Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
• Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
• Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
• Everything takes longer than you think.
• Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
• Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
• Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
• Excellence can be attained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.
• Exceptions always outnumber rules.

Short Term Job

I had a job once, it lasted a month. I finally called the boss and said, "I can't come in for a few days." He said, "What's the matter, you sick?" I said, " No, I just have to wait until this thought of wanting to kill you goes away."