The Morning After

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face." "He's an idiot," Bob said. "Piss on him!" "You did," "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said Bob. "I did. You're back at work on Monday."

Leaving Early

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"

Work Quotes

• The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost
• The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse. Dennis Miller
• Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen
• Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished. Leslie Nielsen
• The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. Slappy White
• I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. Robert Paul
• It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. Muhammad Ali
• A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. Dennis Miller
• I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K Jerome