Selling In the U.S.

A man from another country came to the U.S. and learned three phrases.
1. Only fifty cents
2. Very, very fresh
3. Not today, maybe tomorrow.
A lady came to his tomato stand and said ''How much are these tomatoes?'' The man said ''Only fifty cents.'' Than she asked, ''Are they fresh?'' The man said ''Very, very fresh.'' She then asked, ''Can I buy one?'' The man said, ''Not today maybe tomorrow.'' A thief comes and said ''I'm a thief how much money do you have?'' The Tomato Seller said, ''Only fifty cents.'' The thief said, ''Are you being fresh with me?'' The Tomato seller said ''Very, very fresh.'' The thief said ''Alright, that's it. I'm going to shoot you.'' The Tomato Seller said ''Not today maybe tomorrow!"
The moral to this story is: If you go to a foreign country, learn as much of the language as possible!'

Not All True

Two men were sitting side by side on an airliner flying from Denver to Los Angeles. The first man appeared nervous and finally explained that he was being transferred to LA. "I hate Los Angeles," he said. "Everything you hear about LA is bad -- smog, traffic, and worst of all, the crime. Gangs everywhere, people getting shot and robbed, things stolen, car jackings, and everyone hates everyone else." "Oh, it's not that bad," said the second man. "I live in LA myself. Most of that stuff you read is media hype. It's just not true. You'll find LA is just like any other city, anywhere in America." "Really?" responded the first. "Boy, that makes me feel a lot better. You say you live in LA -- what do you do for a living?" "I'm a tail gunner on a Bud Light delivery truck."

Steal from Lawyers

Jack and Mugs, two second-story men from Flatbush, were comparing notes on recent burglaries. "Didja get anything on that last heist?" Jack asked. "Nuttin' at all," Mugs admitted. "Toins out that the guy that lives there's a lawyer." "Jeez, ain't that the breaks," his friend sympathized. "Didja lose anything?"