Yo Mama - Garbage Can
Yo mama so poor, I sat on a garbage can, and she told me to get off her roof.
- OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
- FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
- LOSE weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
- AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
- NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
- SAVE ON BOOZE by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
- RECREATE the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
Recycled Toilet Paper
Life is good when I can afford to buy recycled toilet paper.
Poor Man to the Pub
A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.'' The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?'' The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.