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The best jokes and joke writers!

Yo Mama - Layaway

Yo mama so poor, she puts McDonald's dollar meals on layaway.

You Might Be A Redneck 56

You might be a redneck if...

  • The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
  • You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
  • You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.
  • You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.
  • You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
  • You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
  • Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
  • Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
  • You have to stop a leak in your flat-bottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.
  • You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.

Ed's Makeover

One day Ed, known for always being broke and shabby, walks into his regular bar. One of the other regulars, noticing his new clothes and brand new Harley Davidson asked him where he got it. Ed, with a big, proud smile on his face explained: "I was walking to the grocery store, when all of a sudden a girl rode up on this shining new Harley. She got off her bike, threw off all of her clothes and said 'take what you want.' So I did."

Old Habits Die Hard

Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable childhood as an orphan in the ghetto. When he turned 18, he joined the Marines, but old habits die hard. One night, the sergeant found him rummaging around in the garbage and eating out of the discarded cans and jars. "On your feet, Lizard Pecker," he bellowed. "You'll eat in the mess hall -- you're no better than the rest of us!"

Satan Knows Best

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this?!" "I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on," she explained. "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, 'You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'" "Well," the pastor replied, "You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said, 'It looks fabulous from back here, too!'"