Money Jokes - Money Owed Jokes

A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. "Out drinking again!?" she says. "How much money did you spend this time?"  "$100,"  answers the man. "$100!" she shouts. "That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!"  "Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you have your own pussy."

After his wife had a baby, the new minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed, and again, the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation voiced their unhappiness over the increasing expenses. The minister stood up and shouted "Procreation is an act of God!" An old man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

The doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live but the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives him another six months.

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

Two men were walking in the woods one day, when they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, started growling and began to chase one of the guys, who, as it turns out, was from Czechoslovakia. The bear soon caught up with him, and ate him alive. The other guy turned around and ran for his life. A little while later, the second guy found a park ranger station and told his story. The ranger took his gun, and they both went out in search of the bear, in hopes to destroy it. Soon, they came across two bears, one male, and one female. The ranger turned to the guy and said: "Quick... tell me which bear ate your friend!" The ranger leveled his gun and got ready to shoot. "I'm not really sure," said the guy, "they both look similar."
"QUICK! Make up your mind!" said the ranger.
"O.K.," said the other, "it was the male." The ranger promptly aimed and shot the female bear. The male ran off. Using his knife, the ranger cut open the belly of the female and found the body of the other man. "But why didn't you shoot the male when I thought it was the male who ate my friend?" the man asked.
"Well," said the ranger..." I never trust anyone who says that the Czech's in the male!"