Paybacks

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, offering his credit card numbers, his driver's license number and his address but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have $15, get the hell out of my cab." So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab back to the airport. Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line. "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked. "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?" "What?!! Get the hell out of my cab!" The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks." The businessman said "OK" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.

Dem Smart City Folk

A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground. A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says. "Where can I buy one?", he asked. Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says. "I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money. "I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday. Is tomorrow OK?" "Sure." The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "sorry, bad news. I went out after breakfast and the mule was dead." The city feller says "just give me my money back then." "Can't, spent it already!" "Well... unload the mule then." "What ya gonna do with him?"  "Raffle him off!" "Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!" "Just watch me! City fellers know a few tricks." One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop. "What did ya do with that dead mule?" "Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"

Knock Knock - Iowa

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Iowa!
Iowa who?
Iowa you a dollar!