Q: Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam?
A: When the generals would yell, "Get down!" they would all start dancing.
The Irishman at Auschwitz
Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick's looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is.
Mick says, "Well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I've just found out that he actually died in the Auschwitz concentration camp."
Patrick says, "That's terrible, did he go to the gas chamber?" and Mick replies, "No, he fell out of the machine gun tower."
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?'' The old guy says, ''During the war, when I was young, a beautiful German girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors.'' The priest replies, ''Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure.'' The old guy says, ''Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?''
All Jews and Six Mexicans
This freelance journalist discovered Adolf Hitler was alive and well and living in South America. He managed to wrangle a 'once-in-a-lifetime'’ interview with Hitler on the condition that he was not to reveal where Hitler was living. He went to this interview, and lo and behold, yes, it was Adolf Hitler, looking very old. He interviewed him, asking him all sorts of questions, and as a final question, asked "What are you doing now, in the twilight of your life?" Hitler replied "Hah! Twilight of my life! I'll have you know that I am secretly putting together the 4th Reich, right here in South America! This time we'll do it right. We have a foolproof plan - this time we will kill EVERY JEW in the world - and 6 MEXICANS!!!".The journalist asked "...but...but....but why 6 MEXICANS??"Hitler jumped to his feet and yelled "SEE, I TOLD THEM THAT NO-ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE JEWS!"
Military Motor Pool
The phone rings at the military motor pool and an authoritative voice demands to know how many vehicles are operational. Paddy answers, "We've got 12 trucks, 10 utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-assed colonel drives around in." There is a stony silence. "Do you know who you are speaking to?" demands the gruff voice. "No," says Paddy. "It is the so-called fat-assed colonel you so insubordinately referred to." "Well, do you know who you are talking to?" "No," roars the colonel. "Well thank goodness for that," says Paddy as he hangs up the phone.