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The best jokes and joke writers!

Marine Time Off

Q: Why are Marines limited to three day passes?

A: Anymore days than that and they have to be totally re-trained.

Marines Do Their Job

During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?" The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."

Old Habits Die Hard

Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable childhood as an orphan in the ghetto. When he turned 18, he joined the Marines, but old habits die hard. One night, the sergeant found him rummaging around in the garbage and eating out of the discarded cans and jars. "On your feet, Lizard Pecker," he bellowed. "You'll eat in the mess hall -- you're no better than the rest of us!"

Military Expenses

  • Starting monthly salary for US Marine... $984.60
  • One Bradley Fighting Vehicle... $3.16 million
  • Humanitarian aid for Iraq... $20 billion
  • Kickin' back with the boys in Saddam's Palace... priceless

Marine Tough

I always say how I joined the Navy but wanted to join the Marines. I just couldn't pass the physical. This usually gets them to start talking about how much tougher they are. Then I say, yeah, just couldn't get my head in the jar.