We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Marine Confession

A Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Jacksonville. He tells the priest, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the hell out of an Obama supporter."

The priest says, "My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service."

U.S. Marines to Change Lightbulb

Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.

Tracks

Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Marine said, "those are deer tracks".  The second Marine said, "No, those are elk tracks".  The third Marine said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks".  The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

Enactment of the Marine Corps

Q: Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?

A: So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!

Because I'm a Marine

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in Virginia. The whole regiment is lined up in formation, and the colonel is walking around inspecting people. There are rows of marines stacked behind one another waiting to be inspected. The colonel gets to the first squad leader, stands in front of him and punches him in the stomach the hardest he can. After about a minute, the squad leader catches his breath. The colonel bellows, "DID THAT HURT SOLDIER?" Then the soldier says "NO, SIR." The colonel shouts, "WHY NOT?" Then the soldier says, "BECAUSE I AM A MARINE!"
The colonel gets up to the second squad leader, stands in front of him, and kicks him in the kneecap. After about a minute when the soldier is finally standing, the colonel hollers, "DID THAT HURT?" The soldier responds, "NO, SIR." And the colonel says "WHY NOT?" Then the soldier shouts, "BECAUSE I AM A MARINE!"
The colonel gets up to the third squad leader. He notices that there is an erection between his legs. The colonel takes a stick from the floor, and whacks the erection with it. The man barely makes a sound. The colonel asks him "DID THAT HURT?" And the soldier says "NO, SIR." Then the colonel shouts, "WHY NOT?" Then the soldier points at the man standing behind him and says, "BECAUSE IT WAS HIS."