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The best jokes and joke writers!

Fun Facts

Q: What do you call an opinion without 3.14?

A: An onion.

New Math

66% of the people don't understand percent while the other 42% lie about it.

More Hilarious Al Gore Quotes and Blunders

  • "I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."
  • "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
  • "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
  • "Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
  • "Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."
  • "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
  • "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
  • "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."
  • "When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
  • "The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."

Time Traveler

A bartender says, we don't serve time travelers in here.

A time traveler walks into a bar

New scientific element: WOMAN

Element Name: WOMAN

  • Symbol: WO
  • Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
  • Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
  • Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
  • Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
  • Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.