Q: Why can't you trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything.
Q: Why is Neil deGrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?
A: On the day he was born he escaped a black hole.
Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."
Q: What did one tectonic plate say to the other after the earthquake?
A: That was your fault.
Guide To Science
Handy guide to modern science: If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.