Quantum in Bar
A quantum particle walks into two bars. In one, he has a few drinks, becomes the life of the party, gets lucky and has a splendid time. In the other he drinks too much, picks a fight with the wrong company and ends up beaten to half of his life.
The next day, he happens to meet an old buddy. After some very small talk, his friend asks, "Hey, so what did you do last night?"
The particle, bruised and beaten shouts, "DAMN IT MAN did you have to ask!!"
Q: Why can't you trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything.
Q: How much do dead batteries cost?
A: Nothing. They're free of charge!
Guide To Science
Handy guide to modern science: If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Q: What did one tectonic plate say to the other after the earthquake?
A: That was your fault.