Screwing Rooster

There was a farmer. He had a lot of chickens but had no roosters. So in order to get eggs he went and got a rooster. The man he got the rooster form told him that the rooster would screw everything in sight.  But the farmer wanted the rooster anyway. So he took it home and it screwed all the chickens. After a while it started screwing all the other farm animals. So one day the farmer walked up to the rooster and said, "Ya better stop screwing everything or you will screw yourself to death!" But the rooster just kept on screwing. One day the farmer was walking through the field, and he found the rooster laying on the ground with buzzards flying all around.  So he walked up to the rooster and said, "I told you you'd screw yourself to death!"  then the rooster opened his eyes and said,  "SHUT-UP! I'm trying to get them to land!"

Beware of Dog!

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER; BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

I Wish It Were Dark

Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says "I sure wish that sheep were Marilyn Monroe." The other says, "I just wish it were dark."