First Night Back

One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding parents left us alone in the living room. We talked for a short while but then things got hot. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway. "If you'll be a good girl and go to bed, I'll give you a quarter," I said to her. Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again.
"Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."

Father Sets The Bar

A father and son were on a fishing trip when the dad pulled out a beer. "Can I have one, Dad?" "Can your d**k touch your a**hole?" "No." "Then you can't have one." The dad took out a cigarette. "Dad, since I can't drink, can I smoke one?" "Can your d**k touch your a**hole?" "No." "Then you can't have one." On the way back, the dad bought two lottery tickets, one for his son and one for him. The dad won two dollars and the son won $500. The dad was surprised and a bit jealous. "You're going to share that with me, aren't you, son?" "Can your d**k touch your a**hole?" "Yes." "Then go f**k yourself."

Just Like Dad

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"