Dog Prayers

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?" Bernie: "The dog came here to pray." "Oh, come on," says the Rabbi. "YES!" says Bernie. Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple. "Bernie: "Its true!" "OK", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do." "OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog. The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke and a tallit, puts them on his head, and prayer book, and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school?" Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,"YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!"

Christmas Peace

Q: What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?
A: Silent Night

Lawyer's Daughter

Once, there was a lawyer. This lawyer had a wife and a little girl whom he loved. He made a good living and was pretty satisfied with life. He was surprised when his daughter began avoiding him one day. Goodnight kisses stopped. Hugs were few and far between. She never sat on her father's lap anymore and practically refused to listen to bedtime stories from him. The lawyer began to get more than a little frustrated with this behavior and decided to talk to his daughter about it. He brought it up with her. She wouldn't talk to her father and so she wrote a note to be given to him via her mother. When the lawyer read the note, he was a bit shocked. This is what it read:
"Mindy's dadee sayz that lawyers suk the blood ouwt of aneeone thay come close to. i dont want yu to suk mi blod, so dont come clos to me pleas. thank yu. sophie."