Feel Better

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me.. the whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

Man In Supermarket

Man walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap, 1 toothbrush, 1 tube toothpaste, 1 loaf of bread, 1 pint of milk, 1 single serving cereal, 1 single serving frozen dinner. The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?" The man replies very sarcastically
"How did you guess?" She replies
"Because you're ugly."

Hoe Down

You know you're a redneck when some one yells "hoe down" and your wife drops to the floor!