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Holiday Jokes
The Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me:
12 males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming
11 pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)
10 melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping
9 persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression
8 economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans
7 endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands
6 enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products
5 golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration (Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
4 hours of recorded whale songs,
3 deconstructionist poets
2 Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
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Christmas Tree and Priest
Q: How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike?
A: They both have ornamental balls.
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Muslim Heaven
Three Muslims died and went to Heaven. When they approached the gate, St. Peter said "Sorry, only Christians are allowed in Heaven." The Muslims said "But we are good Christians!" St. Peter replied "Okay, if you're good Christians then tell me what is Easter?" The first Muslim went up to St. Peter and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a white bunny suit and hopped around delivering eggs to children!" St. Peter shook his head, and said "Next!" The second Muslim guy then came up and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a red and white suit and flied around delivering presents to good children!" St. Peter sighed, and said "Next!" So the last Muslim guy comes up to old St. Peter and says, "Oh, I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man died on the cross for the people, and they buried him in a cave. After three days the Jesus man got up, went out of the cave, saw his shadow, and there was 6 more weeks of winter!"
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