Gross Jokes

Q: Why do men break wind more than women?

A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "I need to speak to him, can you get him for me?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

You might be a redneck if you come back from the dump with more than you took.

The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor.

"Big Chief no fart," She tells the doctor. The doctor tells her to give the chief three pills a day.

The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, "Big Chief no fart." The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ten pills an hour.

The girl comes back the next day and says, "Big Chief no fart." After hearing this the doctor gets so pissed off that he tells her to give him a jar an hour.

The next day the girl comes back crying and says "Big fart no Chief!"

Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"