Life's Truisms

Some of life's truisms...

• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• No one is listening until you make a mistake.
• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
• The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
• Two wrongs are only the beginning.
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable... except from vending machines.
• A fool and his money are soon partying.
• Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Dress Code

George W. Bush was caught breaking the White House dress code by wearing blue jeans. Bill Clinton responded by saying, "I never broke the dress code. I just didn't wear pants at all."

Light Bulb - Firemen

Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four, one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.