The Woman's Compact Instruction Book

THE WOMAN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK

• Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
• Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
• Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
• What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
• So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
• If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.
• Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
• Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone.
• Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
• Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.
• Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
• The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
• If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.
• A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night".
• Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
• Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
• If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.
• When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."

Apple Time Saver

iOS 17: Apple has finally agreed to stop autocorrecting the word FUCK to DUCK and SHIT to SHOT. This should work out to be a huge time saver. One user commented that it would save her at least an hour daily correcting words back to her intended curse. 
Thank you Apple!

A Donut Eater

Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A: She is the one who can eat the last donut!