Funny Thoughts - How Come

• Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner!"- Lynda Montgomery
• "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."- Johnny Carson
• "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."- Paul Rodriguez
• And from George Carlin...If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
• If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
• If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
• If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?
• If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world?
• What's another word for thesaurus?
• Why do they have Braille number pads at drive-through bank machines?
• Is it ok to go door-to-door selling "No Soliciting" signs?
• Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
• If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
• If talk is cheap, why is my mobile phone bill so high?
• Should bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
• Did the early settlers ever go on camping trips?
• How can a person get a life sentence & be eligible for parole in 15 years?

Q: Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?

A: Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

Q: What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?

A: The taste!

• Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
• Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
• If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
• If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
• You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
• Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
• Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

• What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What?Are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
• What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
• Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is that about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
• Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
• Why do people give each other flowers to celebrate various important occasions? They're killing living creatures. Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
• Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
• If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?