Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.
Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.
Fast learner: You will get no training from us.
Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.
Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.
Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.
Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.
Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.
Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.
Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.
Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.
Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.
Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.
Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.
Telling Some Stories
Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."
All generalizations are false, including this one.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Bumper Stickers 21
- Gravity - It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
- Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
- Life is too complicated in the morning.
- All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
- The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
- My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ... I'm sure going to miss her.
- Ask me about my vow of silence.
- Today's subliminal message is: ( )
Britney Spears Hired By Pepsi
Q: Why did Pepsi hire Britney Spears to do their commercial instead of Coke?
A: Because then would have had to change their slogan from "It's the real thing."