Ads & Newspapers - Signs and Notices
Signs and Notices 05
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
- Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
- In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
- In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
- In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
- In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
- On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."
- On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."
- On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
- In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Signs Seen Near Church
The following are actual signs found on church property.
- "No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."
- "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
- "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
- "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
- An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
- When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
- "Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons, come hear one!"
- A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."
- "People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
- "God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
- "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
- "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."
- "Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
- "Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily."
- "How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?"
- "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
- "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low, but the retirement benefits are out of this world."
- "Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children."
- "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
- "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
- "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
- "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
- "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
- "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" ---> (U R)
- "Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
- "In the dark? Follow the Son."
- "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
- "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
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Austrian Hotel
Sign in an Austrian hotel catering to mountain climbers: "Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Cafeteria Sign
Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (Then, in pencil beneath the sign): "Socks can eat anyplace they want."
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Push
Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push ... Push ...Push!"
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
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