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Signs and Notices 05

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

  • Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
  • In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
  • In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
  • In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
  • In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
  • On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."
  • On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."
  • On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
  • In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

Signs Seen Near Church

The following are actual signs found on church property.

  • "No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."
  • "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
  • "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
  • "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
  • An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
  • When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
  • "Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons, come hear one!"
  • A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."
  • "People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
  • "God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
  • "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
  • "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."
  • "Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
  • "Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily."
  • "How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?"
  • "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
  • "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low,  but the retirement benefits are out of this world."
  • "Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children."
  • "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
  • "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
  • "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
  • "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
  • "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
  • "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" ---> (U R)
  • "Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
  • "In the dark? Follow the Son."
  • "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
  • "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

Cafeteria Sign

Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (Then, in pencil beneath the sign): "Socks can eat anyplace they want."

Push

Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push ... Push ...Push!"

Signs And Notices 15

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

  • Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
  • Sign in a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
  • Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air CONDITIONER: "COOLERS AND HEATERS: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
  • Two signs from a Morrocan shop entrance: "English well talking." "Here speeching American."
  • Sign at a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
  • Sign from a translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played."
  • Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: "Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn't worth anything - gas is!"
  • Sign on the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."