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The best jokes and joke writers!

You Don't Have To

Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.

Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.

Homer: Why you little -- !

On Inheritance

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

Career Change

"Son, I don't think you're cut out to be a mime." 

"Was it something I said?" Asks the son.

Childhood Dilemma

I feel sorry for the children of same-sex couples.

You either have to put up with twice the number of Dad jokes, or you're stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."

To A Six Year Old

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"