Jokes about Families - Father Jokes

I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon?" "Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers!"

My wife and I have an agreement that works... She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room. I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFC's from automobile air conditioners.

My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said 

A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine. I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.