We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

The best jokes and joke writers!

Who Owns the Cows?

After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future. He went to his father and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner from which he could observe his father’s activities and be introduced to his father’s clients as a clerk. His observations would help him decide whether or not to become a lawyer. His father thought this was a great idea and immediately helped to set it up. The first client the next morning was a tenant farmer--a rough man with calloused hands who was dressed in workman’s clothing. He said, "Mr. Lawyer, I work for the Gonzales farm on the east side of town. For many years I have tended their crops and animals, including some cows. I have raised the cows, fed them and looked after them. And I was always given the understanding and the belief that I was the owner of these cows. Now Mr. Gonzales has died and his son has inherited the farm. He believes that since the cows were raised on his land and ate his hay, the cows are his. In short, we are in dispute over who owns the cows." The lawyer said, "Thank you. I have heard enough. I will take your case. Don't worry about the cows!" The next client to come in, a young and well-dressed young man, was obviously a landowner. He said, "My name is Gonzales and I own a farm on the east side of town. We have a tenant farmer who has worked for my family for many years, tending crops and the animals, including some cows. I believe the cows belong to me because they were raised on my land and were fed my hay. But the tenant farmer believes they are his because he raised them and cared for them. In short, we are in dispute over who owns the cows." The lawyer said, "Thank you. I have heard enough. I will take your case. Don't worry about the cows!" After the client left, the lawyer’s son could not help but express his concern. "Father, I know very little about the law, but it seems we have a very serious problem concerning these cows." "Don’t worry about the cows!" the lawyer said. "The cows will be ours!"

Siamese Twins in England

Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

A: So the other one could drive.

One Way to Learn English

Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England for a visit. "Do you have anything to declare?" asked the customs inspector. "No -- sssssst, bzzz - nothing at all." "How long do you plan to stay?" "Oh, about -- ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz -- about three weeks." "By the way, where did you learn English?" "From the -- bzzz, bzzz, sszzzzzzzzbzzz -- radio."

The Last Laugh

Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy. Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant. It read - "We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!"

Very Short Books

  1. Outdoor activities in Chernobyl
  2. Hot Scenic Real-estate opportunities on top of Mt St. Helens
  3. Investment opportunities in worm futures for the deceased
  4. Ballerina lessons for men with size 13 or larger feet
  5. Defensive Driving tips for the Blind
  6. Contraceptive tips for Nuns
  7. Delicious Beef Recipes for Hindus
  8. Mutual Fund Investment strategies for compulsive gamblers
  9. Cooking with Pork Fat for Vegetarians
  10. GreenPeace Guide for Buying Quality Baby Seal coats
  11. GreenPeace Guide to Preparing Fast & Easy Whale Dishes
  12. Jewish and Arab Friendship Customs
  13. Human Rights organizations in Libya
  14. Democracy Debate clubs in Cuba
  15. Applying for Tibetan Vendors Permits
  16. Applying for Flight Clearance over The White House
  17. Guide to Redneck Gay Bars
  18. Guide to NeoNazis Jewish Friendship Centers
  19. Famous Native American Judges, Senators and Presidents
  20. Famous Black Canadian Hockey Players
  21. Famous Hillbilly Physics
  22. Guide to apply for Pan Handling Permit in Singapore
  23. Street guide to most original graffiti in Singapore
  24. Country Singers who have appeared at Carnegie Hall
  25. Sports Illustrated's Gay Mens Swimsuit Edition
  26. How to start you own part time Hospital from home
  27. E-mail address directory for the homeless
  28. All Night Libyan Moshe pits
  29. List of Fine Wines from Iran