Caught by a Local Tribe
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?" And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!
Samoan Tree Climbing
Q: How did the Samoan climb the tree?
A: He didn't. He scared the limbs out of it!
Amsterdam Semester Abroad
Possible Courses In Amsterdam:
- Essentials of Bong Design: Discover earth, water, wind, and fire as the tools you'll need to get rid of your syllabus... some killer hashish.
- Smuggling 101: Who says the party's over? Years of commerce have made this Northern culture an expert at turning a rectum into a set of luggage.
- Medieval Condom Use: Even Sir Lancelot had a rash. Discover how centuries of crotch scratchers protected their privates with specially designed shields.
- The Development of Puke: Our native-born instructors take students from heaving to hurling.
- Architecture of Early Modern Brothels: With the aid of walking tours and guest hooker lecturers.
Q: What kind of pies are most popular in Korea?
Little Old Lady on a Crowded Bus
A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. It is hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan." The girl gives her the fan, too. Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As she's walking out of the bus, he asks, "Madam, what is it you have?" The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah."