Ethiopians and Yoko Ono
Q: What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A: They both live off dead Beatles.
Welsh Shagging Sheep
Q: Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?
A: So the sheep push back harder!
Trapped Within a Bog
Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. "Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there." Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?"
New Language Courses in Ameirca
New languages being taught in America:
- Afro-American Speak -- Ebonics (or We-Beonics)
- Irish-American Speak -- Leprechaunics
- Native-American Speak -- Kimosabics
- Italio-American Speak -- Spumonics (or Rigatonics)
- Chinese-American Speak -- Won-tonics
- Japanese-American Speak -- Mama-san-ics
- Polish-American Speak -- Kielbasanics
- Jewish-American Speak -- Zionics
- Russian-American Speak -- Rasputonics
- Spanish-American Speak -- Flan-ics
- Scottish-American Speak -- Tartan-ics
- Eskimo-American Speak -- Harpoonics
- German-American Speak -- Autobaunics (or Teutonics)
- Canadian-American Speak -- EH?onics
- Florida Democratic Voters Speak -- Moronics
Live Bait Fishing
There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, "God bless you children, that's Christianity at work. May the lord bless you both," and then kept on walking. One bloke looks at the other, "Who the fuck was that?" "Oh," said the other bloke, "that's Father Johnston. He knows all there is about the bible." The other bloke looked around and quickly says, "Well he knows fuck about shark fishing."