Elephants

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant...

 
The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant (or 1000 ways to cook Elephant)
The English book - Elephants I Have Shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its Influence on Welsh language and Culture (or: Oes Ysgol Tocynnau Eleffant Llanfairpwll Nhadau Coeden)
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think About Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to Reduce Your Taxes With an Elephant.

Signs And Notices Again

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign on a Norfolk farm: "Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left."
Sign seen in London department store: "Bargain Basement Upstairs"
Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: "Closed for official opening."
Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."
Sign in a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."
Sign in a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

New Vietnamese Cookbook

Q: What is the title of the new Vietnamese cookbook?
A: 100 way to wok your dog.