Knock Knock Wannup

Knock Knock
Who's there?
I wannup
I wannup who?
You do! I didn't need to know that!

Thanksgiving Gas

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. The day after Thanksgiving the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

Blond medical terminology

• Artery -- Study of paintings
• Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
• Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
• Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
• Caesarean section -- District in Rome
• Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
• Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
• Colic -- Sheep dog
• Coma -- A punctuation mark
• Congenital -- Friendly
• D&C -- Where Washington is
• Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
• Dilate -- To live long
• Enema -- Not a friend
• Fester -- Quicker
• Fibula -- A small lie
• G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
• Grippe -- Suitcase
• Hangnail -- Coathook
• Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
• Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
• Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
• Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
• Morbid -- Higher offer
• Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
• Node -- Was aware of
• Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
• Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
• Post operative -- Letter carrier
• Protein -- Favoring young people
• Rectum -- It almost killed him
• Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
• Rheumatic -- Amorous
• Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
• Secretion -- Hiding anything
• Seizure -- Roman emperor
• Serology -- Study of knighthood
• Tablet -- Small table
• Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
• Tibia -- Country in North Africa
• Tumor -- An extra pair
• Urine -- Opposite of you're out
• Varicose -- Located nearby
• Vein -- Conceited