Drown my Troubles

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming!

Chuck Norris' Enemies

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Big Family

A women married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "What do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."