Women's T-Shirt Sayings

• I'm out of estrogen. I have a gun.
• Guys have feelings, too. But like... who cares?
• I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
• Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
• I hate everybody, and you're next.
• Please don't make me kill you.
• And your point is ...
• I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
• I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
• Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
• Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
• You KNOW you want me. 
• Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time.
• Of course I don't look busy. . . I did it right the first time.
• Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
• I'm multitalented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time.
• Do NOT start with me. You won't win.
• You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
• All stressed out and no one to choke.
• I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
• How can I miss you if you won't go away?
• Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
• If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
• Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.
• Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
• Objects Under This Shirt ARE Larger Than They Appear.

Can't Win

Johnny comes to school with a black eye.
Teacher: what's wrong?
Johnny: our house is very small, me, my mom and my dad, all sleep in the same bed. Every night my dad asks if I'm sleeping. If I say no then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.
Teacher: tonight when your dad asks, keep dead quiet and don't answer.
The following morning Johnny's teacher sees him with severe swelling on his face.
Teacher: My goodness why the swelling?
Johnny: Dad asked me again me if I was sleeping... I shut up and kept dead still.
Then my dad and mom start moving, you know, mom was breathing heavy, kicking her legs up and making moaning noises. Then my dad asked my mom, "are you coming?"
Mom said: "Yes, I'm coming, are you coming too?"
Dad answered: "Yes."
They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me, I'm coming too.

Michael Jackson & Boyz-2-Men

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A: He thought it was a delivery service.