A Black Guy In A Bar
A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks up and says "where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies "Over in Africa, there's millions of them !! "
Two people walk into a bar. The third one ducked.
Duck Orders a Drink
A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve ducks here." The duck says, "I'll pay you $20." "Your money isn't good here." "Then put it on my bill."
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
Walks In With A Porkpie
A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. The barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?" The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday." The barman remarks, "But it's Wednesday." Sheepishly, the man says, "Man, I must look like a real fool."