Taking the Ferry Home

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found that there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.  When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.  "How did you like that jump, Buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand.  "It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"

Panda in a Bar

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said, "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please." The barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill. All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.
The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"
The panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"
"Why yes," the barman answered. "You're a panda."
"Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar. The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlightened on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary. After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition: PANDA:1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.

A Drink In A Chinese Restaurant

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the    maître d  that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. "Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist." The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "