Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?" "I was blowing bubbles." The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles." He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me guess? You were blowing bubbles too?" "No, I'm Bubbles."
Don't Step On the Ducks
One night I dreamed I went to heaven. When I got there, St. Peter was waiting on me. He said, "Before we go in I need to tell you, don't step on the ducks!" So we walked in and I saw ducks EVERYWHERE! St. Peter was showing me around and we got pretty far when I saw a woman tied to a stinky man. Very very stinky. I asked, "Why are they tied together?" St. Peter said, "Because she stepped on a duck." So we walked a little more and we saw another woman tied to a very very VERY stinky man. I asked, "Why are they tied together?" St. Peter said, "Because she stepped on 2 ducks." So we went a little farther and I saw Hillary Clinton tied to a very handsome man. I said, "Well she must have done something really good." St. Peter said, "Nope, he stepped on a duck."
Lipstick on a Duck
Q: What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?
A: Put it on my bill.
Cat ate the Duck
Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
A: A duck-filled fatty puss!
Duck's Form of Payment
There was a duck that went to a local store to buy chapstick, the clerk asked if he would pay cash and the duck said, no, just put it on my bill.