Name That Ranch
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name.
"Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."
"But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked.
"None survived the branding."
Q: Why did the cow buy a new MP3 player?
A: Because she loves listening to moosic.
My First Time
The night was young, the moon was high. We were alone, just she and I. Her hair was soft and her eyes were blue. I knew just what she wanted me to do. Her skin was smooth her legs were fine. I ran my finger down her spine. I didn't know how but i tried my best. As I placed my hand on her breast, I remembered my fear and my heart beating fast. Slowly, she spread her legs apart. When I did it, I felt no shame. And all at once white stuff came. It's over. It's all over now. My first time ever. My first time milking a cow.
Wait, what were you thinking about?
Cow Gives Birth
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 11-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great... he's 11 and now I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer." After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?" "Just one Dad," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. Just as the father is preparing his birds and bees story, his son asks - "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
Q: What game do cows play at parties?
A: Moosical chairs!