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The best jokes and joke writers!

Close Enough

A farmer was counting his cows and initially counted 197 but when he rounded them up he had 200.

Signs Your Cow has Mad-Cow Disease

Sure signs your cow has mad-cow disease
  • Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
  • She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."
  • Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.
  • Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
  • Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
  • Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.
  • Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
  • Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
  • Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
  • She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
  • Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
  • Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
  • Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.
  • Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
  • Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
  • Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!
  • Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".
  • Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
  • Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.
  • You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
  • Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.
  • Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.

Blonde Cow

Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

A:  So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

Laughing Cow

Q: What do you call a cow in tall grass?

A: Utterly tickled.

Three Cows

Q What do you call a cow with three legs?

A: Lean beef.

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground beef.

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?

A: Yo Mama.