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The best jokes and joke writers!

Cat's Away

Q: When the cat's away.....?

A: The house smells better!

Cat Knows Password

  1. E-mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy." 
  2. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
  3. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip..
  4. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna. 
  5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of "Cyber-Dog."
  6. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it. 
  7. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
  8. On IRC you're known as the Iron-Mouser.
  9. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

Cat Food Containers

Q: How is cat food sold?

A: Usually purr can!

Unrelenting Doorstop

On a sunny Sunday afternoon, two young church members were going door to door to invite people to visit their services. When they knocked on one door, it was immediately clear the woman who answered was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and before they could say anything more, she slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close; in fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really putting her back into it, and slammed it again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in her door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then, one of them said quietly: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you really need to move your cat."

Meals on Wheels

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold back alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy. A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates. One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.