Someone Will Take Us Home

These two women went out for a night on the town and got sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing?" the other lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".

Parrot Calls It As It Is

A man and his wife were walking into the pet store. As they approached the door, the man noticed a parrot on his perch staring at his wife. As they passed by the man asked the parrot, "What?" The parrot replied, "That is the ugliest woman I have ever seen!" On and on the parrot went about the man's wife. Soon the pet store owner came out and beat the parrot and exclaimed, "Don't you ever talk that way to my client's again!" and slams the parrot upon his perch. After a short while the couple has finished their shopping and start out of the shop. Again, the man notices the parrot staring at his wife and exclaims, "What!?" To which the parrot whispers, "You know what!"

Listen to the Ocean

Q: Why do the oceans roar?
A: You would too if you had crabs on your bottom and oysters in your bed.