Top Signs You're an Alcoholic

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. You fall off the floor.
6. That damn pink elephant followed you home again.
7. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
8. Your career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

SOTALLY TOBER

starkle starkle little twink who the hell you are I think I'm not under what you call the alcofluence of incohol I'm just a little slort of sheep I'm not drunk like tinkle peepI don't know who is me yet but the drunker I stand here the longer I get Just give me one more drink to fill me cup 'cuz I got all day sober to Sunday up.

Worm Experiment

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day:
First worm - dead Second worm - dead. Third worm - dead. Fourth worm - alive. Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms!