Alcohol Jokes - Others

Symptom: Drinking fails to satisfy and the front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.

Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.

Symptom: Everyone looks hideous.
Fault: Either you haven't had enough to drink, or they've flipped on the lights for last call.

Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the minister acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "Appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."

Q: Why do elephants drink so much?

A: To try to forget.

"They call my husband 'The Exorcist." "Why?" "As soon as he gets to a party, he rids it of all the spirits."

Q: How many Irish does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

A: Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room spins around.