I Am Beautiful

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

Practice makes Perfect

My Lesbian neighbors Jill and Julie, who are both teachers, asked me to help them conceive a child.
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old-fashioned way as they weren't man-haters.
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them that I had a vasectomy last year.

Misinterpreted

As a diabetes educator, a number of my clients truly do not understand that when I tell them two alcoholic drinks per day, it does not mean they can save them all and have 14 on Saturday night.