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Comments from Colonoscopies

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

10. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

Taxonomy of Medical Practitioners

An Acher of bacteriologists

A murmur of cardiologists

A stain of cytotechnologists

A rash of dermatologists

A speck of forensic pathologists

A poke of gynecologists

A vessel of heart surgeons

A clot of hematologists

A nursery of obstetricians

A dose of pharmacists

A pile of proctologists

A G-spot of sex therapists

A stream of urologists

End In Sight

Q: Why are proctologists so gloomy?

A: They always have the end in sight.

Definition of Proctologist

Proctologist: A brain surgeon for lawyers.

Proctologists and Bartenders

Q: What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?

A: The proctologist only handles one a**hole at a time.