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The best jokes and joke writers!

Blonde Landing

Q: Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?

A: Because the runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide.

Trouble with plane engines

While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and a passenger looked out the window.  "Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came running over.  Suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order.

Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs. "Say", spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?". The pilot confirmed that they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?".  "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

New Slogans For Value Jet

  • When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
  • We're Amtrak with wings.
  • Join our frequent near-miss program.
  • On flights, every section is a smoking section.
  • Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
  • Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
  • Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
  • Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
  • Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
  • The kids will love our inflatable slides.
  • You think it's so easy, get your own plane!
  • Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
  • Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
  • We may be landing on your street.
  • Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
  • Bring a bathing suit.
  • Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
  • That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.
  • Find out there really is a God.
  • A real man lands where he wants to.

Smooth Flying

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained... "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."

Polish Plane Landing

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!" The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, we 're almost out of fuel." So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!" "Yeah!" said the copilot, "and WIDE too!"