We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

The best jokes and joke writers!


A gay guys walks into a pharmacy with his suppository prescription and approaches the front counter. He hands the prescription to the pharmacist and after confirming the prescription, the pharmacist asks him, "Okay sir, what kind of pills would you like?"

The guy looks around and over the shoulder of the pharmacist, and spots something he wants. He points at the wall and says, "I'll take that kind right there!"

The pharmacist looks at what he is pointing at and says, "Sorry sir, but you cant have that. It's our fire extinguisher!"

The Poetic Pharmacy

A pharmacist tells his new young clerk, "When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them."  The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe when the next customer comes in and watch how he or she is dealt with.  Presently a middle aged woman comes in to the shop and asks for something for a tummy bug. The pharmacist says, "There's a lot of that virus going about, but this pink mixture should sort you out!"  "Oh thank you very much!" says the middle aged woman and she leaves the shop.  So the pharmacist says the youth can serve the next customer while he goes to tea break. "And remember to put some poetry into it," he says. The youth waits around and nobody comes in, so he decides to go to the restroom.  Just as he's about to head off, a young teenage girl comes in. "Can I help you?" he asks. She replies very embarrassedly that she would like to buy some sanitary napkins, to which the youth replies, "Hang on there Miss, I'm dying for a piss, but I'll be back in a flash, with a sash for your gash!"

What Size Fits?

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms. She asks, ''What size please?'' ''Good question," he replies, " I'm not sure," ''Tell ya what. Right outside, there's a fence with three holes in it, stick your dick in the holes and tell me which one it fits in,'' suggests the lady. So he takes her advice, goes outside and puts his dick in the first hole. A woman walks past, see's his dick and starts feeling it. The man thinks, ''Hey, this ain't too bad.'' Then he puts his dick in the second hole, another woman walks by, and gives him a blow job. At this point, he is literally blown away. He quickly shoves his dick in the last hole, and yet another woman walks by, and she starts to shag him. After they are done rocking, he high-steps it back inside and goes to the counter. The assistant asks ''What size then?'' "Forget the condoms," says the man, "how much for the fence?"

Bill The Duck

A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick." The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill." The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms." The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?" The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"

The Pharmacist

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."  Immediately, the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store, there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, I finally got back to answer it." The pharmacist continues, "It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!!!"