Doctor Visit

I went to the doctor...
I went to see the doctor the other day. Turns out my new doctor is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette.

I was embarrassed but she said “don’t worry, I’m a professional - I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.”

I said, “my wife thinks my dick tastes funny.”

Down Under

I'm a sexual health doctor for the lower ranks of the military.
I inspect the privates.

Lawyer: Send Me

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T." The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."