Fast Weight Loss

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down, up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."

Getting Better

Patient: Please tell me, doctor, am I getting better?
Doctor: I think so. But to be sure, let me feel your wallet...

Doctor Doctor Collection

• Patient: Doctor, Doctor I’ve lost my memory!
  Doctor: When did this happen?
  Patient: When did what happen?
• Patient: Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber band
  Doctor: Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there and tell me all about it!
• Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar I can't believe that!
• Doctor, Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in, what about a matchbox?
• Patient: Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double.
  Doctor: Please sit on the couch.
  Patient: Which one?
• Patient: Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around.
  Doctor: Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!
• Patient: Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth.. Get out of the way, your in my light!