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The best jokes and joke writers!

Duck Doctor

Q:  What kind of doctor treats ducks?

A:  A quack!

Bouncing Baby

A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the doctor came in bouncing the baby from hand to hand like a basketball.

"Here's your baby, maam," says the doctor.

The doctor then throws the baby on the floor, hurls it up against the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times, and then drop kicks it straight out of the 10th floor window.

Totally bewildered, the woman gives out a loud shriek and hollers, "My God!!! What have you done to my baby?!?!!!"

The doctor chuckles a little to himself and says, "April Fools!!! He was already dead!"

I've got a rash

A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?"

The doctor said "Put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work."

The man comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked, so he tells the doctor. The doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work. The man comes back and the cream still hasn't worked, so the doctor says "Drop your pants."

The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on. The man then says "Doctor it's worked!! What was that?"

The doctor replies "Lipstick remover"

Colored Penis

A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My penis is red." Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm...yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40." The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell. His friend said, "Really? I have a similar problem. What doctor did you go to?" So his friend goes to the same doctor and tells him, "Doc, George recommended you...you've got to help me. My penis is blue." Doc asks to take a look. "Ah yes... Ummm... Yep, we can take care of it, no problem, $400." "FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS?" Wait a MINUTE! You took care of George for only $40." "Yes, I did. But George's penis had lipstick on it. Yours has gangrene!"

Physics Rx

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.