Profession Jokes - Nurse Jokes

A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too."

The shrink thought for a moment and said, "Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"

The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says, "Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"

A man is in a hospital bed completely wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, "Don't move, I'll be right back." When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?" "I hiccupped."

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice). She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued...Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it. When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face ."Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said, pointing to the urine bottle."Oh, really?" she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips. "In that case, we'd better run it through again..."

How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher, a nurse or a flight attendant?

A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right.

A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit.

And a flight attendant says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.

A man was recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. The man replies, "I'm alright, but I didn't like the four letter word the doctor used in surgery." The nurse asked, "What did he say?" "OOPS!"