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The best jokes and joke writers!

Views of the Grand Canyon

Three people were visiting and viewing the Grand Canyon -- an artist, a pastor and a cowboy. As they stood on the edge of that massive abyss, each one responded with a cry of exclamation. The artist said, "Ah, what a beautiful scene to paint!" The minister cried, "What a wonderful example of the handiwork of God!" The cowboy mused, "What a terrible place to lose a cow!"

Three Types of Tea

An American cowboy was traveling in England and decided to stop at a tea shop for a drink. On the menu there were several different teas to choose from. When the waitress came to take his order, the cowboy asked, "Ma'am, what the hell do all these names mean?" The waitress calmly replied, "We have basically three types of tea, sir. The pea-cove tea is 90% substance and 10% aroma, the orange tea is 10% substance and 90% aroma, and the Blackberry tea is an acquired taste." The cowboy responded, "Where I come from, we have three types of tea too, Ma'am. There's s-h-i-T which is 90% substance and 10% aroma, there is f-a-r-T which is 10% substance and 90% aroma, and then there is c-u-n-T which is an acquired taste."

Dallas Cowboy Jokes

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?

A: A huddle.


Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?

A: The police.


Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?

A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

Cowboys Rating Women

Two cowboys lean against the rail at their favorite bar and rate women as they go by. A beautiful brunette passes. The first cowboy says, "I'll give her a 3." The other cowboy nods. Next, a hot redhead walks by. The second cowboy looks her up and down and says to the first cowboy, "Well, I think that one must be a 4." The first cowboy nods. Finally, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde approaches. The cowboys straighten up and tip their hats back a little for a better look. The first cowboy smiles real wide and says, "Damn! That one has GOT to be a 6." The second cowboy nods. Overhearing this, the woman turns around sharply and looks the first cowboy in the eye, "I'll have you know, I've been rated far higher than that by far better men than YOU." And the second cowboy says, "But, ma'am, you don't understand -- we use a different kind a rating system. We use the equestrian method." Taken aback, she asks, "What the hell is the equestrian method?" The first cowboy smiles and says slowly, "Well ma'am, that's how many Clydesdales it would take to pull you off my face."

Brown Paper Larry

A cowboy rides into town and sees a gallows under construction.  He calls to a carpenter, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"

The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"Well," says the guy, "the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Brown paper shirts. Brown paper pants. Even brown paper socks."

The cowboy ponders this for a moment, then asks, "What are ya hangin' him for?"